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I`m not sure why they gave all these other people cars.
How do you play religious roulette? You stand around in a circle with your friends and blaspheme, and see who gets struck by lightning first.
They say if the palm of your hand itches, you`re going to get something. And if your crouch itches, you`ve already got it.
No, I would not like to know what fruit my body is shaped like.
You can always tell the guys that masturbate a lot by looking at their hands. If you look close enough you can see their wedding ring.
Dont piss me off...I`ll give your number to all the kids and tell them it`s Santa`s hot line!
Size does matter-just ask Pluto.
I left my phone at home all day today. Is the sky always blue like that?
You can tell Monopoly is an old game because there’s a luxury tax and rich people can go to jail.
Just once I would like to see a liars pants actually catch on fire
Happy Halloween… may all of your skeletons stay in the closet where they belong!
If you added up all the time you waste on Facebook, think how much TV you could watch.
No thanks, NASCAR. If I wanted to spend 8 hrs watching a car drive around in a big circle, I`d go on a road trip with my mom.
If you`re "just sayin", then just shut the hell up.
If you see me out somewhere and act like you didn`t, you should know that I ignored you first.