Daily Silly Status

I’ve been saving up my tickets for 27 years sir, and I would like to purchase this very chuck e cheese.

I`m late on the give thanks every day in November thing... so let me catch up. Days 1-22. I`m thankful for boobs

Hire a hitman is apparently not the correct answer to "what would you do if you won the lottery"

Well I didn`t know that minding my own business becomes part of your business to mind

The graveside service just barely finished, when there was massive clap of thunder, followed by a tremendous bolt of lightning, accompanied by even more thunder rumbling in the distance...The little old man looked at the pastor and calmly said, `Well, she`s there`

The trick to falling asleep is putting your phone down. Unfortunately, that`s not a risk I`m willing to take.

I had the greatest bowel movement at 2am......unfortunately I woke up at 8am (<>..<>)

I love that moment when I`m cruising down the highway listening to country music and I suddenly realize "wait a minute I can change the station!"

My doctor told me, "DON`T mix this medicine with alcohol or you could wake up somewhere naked with a monkey on your arm." CHALLENGE ACCEPTED

Life would be so much more interesting if we all had cartoon bubbles over our heads.

There’s no worse feeling than realizing your wife has fallen asleep & you’ve spent the last 20 minutes watching Real Housewives by yourself.

i got a dig bick..........how many read that wrong

Most people are lucky they can’t hear what I’m thinking.

When setting the table, does the remote go to the left or the right of the dinner plate?

I hope daylight savings time doesnt throw me off my schedule of doing nothing.