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Quite honestly, Officer, I wouldn`t have even pulled over had I known all you were going to do was criticize my driving.
My grocery list is just a piece of paper saying ~ don`t run into anyone you know.
I`m afraid to hug fat girls....what if they`re hungry?
Happy Wednesday 2014 Everyone!
There are 3 reasons for ”Liking” someone’s Facebook status: 1. I agree. 2. I realise this is about me, so I’m liking it to rub it in your face. 3. I want to bang you.
I hate it when my cat leaves a dead Smart Car on my doorstep.
Worrying is like a rocking chair. It gives you something to do, but doesn’t get you anywhere.
If I would have known there would be a Facebook, I would have written “eff off forever” instead of “keep in touch” in your yearbook.
My New Years resolution is to be more assertive if that`s okay with you guys?
i wasnt tht drunk u was holding a ballon thinking it was a comdom
is running out of excuses for the stupid things I do. Please submit suggestions below.
Going to Colorado this weekend to go ... "Hiking"
Do Hostess employees have Snowball fights?
Turns out having boobs only gets you stuff if you don`t have a penis as well.
Truthfully, I`d like you all a whole lot better if you were bacon.