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Coffee – because most people frown on alcohol first thing in the morning.
Best thing about being single… -no drama -no fighting -no crying -no feelings -no confusion -no worries -no PROBLEMS!
Todays hot tip: Boomerangs and Attention Deficit Disorder don`t mix.
Just told my dog "Don`t walk in your own poop" and it strikes me as good advice to pass on to the rest of you as well. Please: don`t.
just read a list of "the 100 things to do before you die." I´m pretty surprised "yell for help" wasn´t one of them.
I thought a vasectomy would keep my wife from getting pregnant but apparently it only changes the color of the baby.
Adding “and sh!t” to the end of a sentence to make it sound cooler and sh!t.
I try to conduct myself as a perfect gentleman whenever I meet a lady. Chicks dig that.
Awkward moment when you just wanted a sugar daddy but becomes the First Lady of America!
Some people are just beautifully wrapped boxes of crap.
FYI: Every Scooby Doo episode would literally be 2 minutes long, if the gang went to the mask store 1st & asked a few questions.
Sometimes I listen to strangers conversations and mentally give my opinion
I once met a guy who was addicted to huffing brake fluid. He said he could stop any time.
I never think twice about helping others.In fact, I never think once about it.
Let It Snow is my favorite song about people who don`t understand how weather works.