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I`ve done a lot of things over the years ... But acting normal has never been one of them.
"If you can`t handle me at my worst, then you don`t deserve me at my best" literally translates to "I`m a loud, sloppy drunk."
Don`t under estimate me... unless you`re trying to guess how old I am or how much I weigh.
Coffee is gods way of saying "go ahead get trashed on a weeknight, I`ve got your back"
Call me lazy, but if it takes two clicks Iām not reading it.
One man`s girlfriend is another man`s password.
Breakfast in bed probably means you are dating someone. Dinner in bed means you`re probably single.
Coworker drank the last of the coffee and now he`s going to the clinic for a `work related` injury.
The only thing we have to fear, is fear itself"...and spiders. Oh, and ticks and nuclear war and getting laid off and losing your eye sight and...
I love when bill collectors ask if you can borrow the money...uh I did that before and I think we both know how that turned out.
I`ve written my own book called 50 Shades of Gravy. It`s very saucy. :D
Putting on deoderant and colonge because you haven`t showered in days, is as about as useful as shutting the lid on a toilet after its overflowing.
My illusion of having the Force is crushed the minute the remote is slightly out of reach.
Whenever a wrong number calls me and hangs up I always call em back and tell them it was their loss because I`m really fun to talk to.
Sent an email to my Mom. Now I`m at her place showing her how to open it.