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Life is beautiful ...... but Monday`s suck all the way around.
My dad taught me righty tighty, lefty loosie.... that`s why I never dated left handed chicks.
Fellas; There’s no heterosexual way of taking a selfie.
Are you thinking what I`m thinking? ... F**king pervert. I`m calling the cops.
I’m amazing in bed. I have the ability to stay there all day.
just realised SATURDAY has the word TURD in it
Think big, Think smart, Think positive, Think beautiful, Think great,I know this is too much for u,so here is a shortcut-Just think about me
How dare you incinerate that I don`t know big words.
My bed and I are in a good relationship, and my alarm clock is so0o jealous...
My brain has too many tabs open.
I`m known all over the world for my exaggerations.
I don`t gamble. I don’t drink. My one vice is my iPhone. Well, that and lying about drinking and gambling.
I have some serious self-esteem issues. The last time I posted a selfie I first cropped myself out of it.
You know when dogs sticks their heads out of a moving car window, bite at the air and it looks like fun? I tried it. It is.
I don`t think I have enough money to find long everlasting love.