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I don`t like surprises so, I never open my Electric Bill or my Bank Statement.
I just saw someone by themselves not looking at a phone. Hope they`re ok.
You know it`s good advice, when your still confused afterwards.
Some people just need sympathetic pat.........on the head........with a hammer
like this if you are against animal cruelty
"Kids are great when you need help around the house." - People who don`t have kids
At the end of the day, life should ask us, ‘Do you want to save the changes?’
If you`ve ever watched a butcher wrap pork chops, you`ve seen me wrapping Christmas presents.
I wonder if I´ll ever be mature enough to use a stud finder without first pointing it at myself and saying "there´s one."
I`m an accident looking for a place to happen!
The key to a long relationship: Keep the fights clean and the sex dirty.
There are more important things in life than Facebook and Twitter, like watching TV and having a beer.
The first 30 years of childhood are always the hardest.
Do you women realize how silly you all look with your clothes on?
I bet all those girls that ignored me in high school would still be pretty pleased with that decision.