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It`s called "Biscotti" because nobody would buy "chocolate covered croutons".
Someone outside the grocery store asked me if I had a few seconds to save the environment. I feel like it would take longer than that...
People say love is the best feeling ever. However I think finding a toilet right away when you have diarrhea is better.
I regret nothing but mostly because I can`t remember most of the stuff I should probably regret
Change is hard. Seriously, have you ever bit a nickel?
When I drink alcohol.. everyone says I`m an alcoholic. But.. When I drink Fanta.. no one says I`m fantastic.
Arguing politics is like trying to convince someone that their baby isn`t cute.
You`re the kind of friend I text when I`m pooping and need something to do.
Mary had a little lamb,,the midwife fainted
With all the botched executions lately, it has been suggested that we bring back the guillotine. But if we do that I`m sure heads will roll.
Since my ear surgery I haven`t heard from my doctor. Not sure if that`s a good thing or not.
"People should just mind their own business," probably the funniest thing I`ve ever read on a social networking site.
Dear human, you get mad when i wake you up and also get mad when i dont. Sincerely confused, Alarm Clock.
I took the "Which 90`s Cartoon Are You?" quiz and got "You`re a fucking grown man. Stop it. Right now."
Jogging with a stroller is great exercise! And hard work for whoever is pushing me.