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Million dollar idea: Pills that you can take with alcohol.
I`m pretty sure whoever coined the phrase " rise and shine", doesn`t do it anymore.
I`m going to start carrying fireworks in my car because sometimes my horn just isn`t enough.
Men are like cheap dishes - easily broken & completely replaceable!
A gentle reminder about Daylight Savings Time: If you thought last Monday sucked, this one will prove to be much, much worse.
Have you ever noticed the irony behind “hyphenated” and “non-hyphenated”?
In my experience, the quickest way to escape Jury Duty? As they read out the charges, yell out, "Oh c`mon...even I`ve done THAT!"
People must stop questioning my sanity, it wont answer them.
Unless your "Awesome Sauce" is an actual sauce and it involves putting it on a steak then I don`t want to hear about it.
you know you`ve been facebooking too much when you accidentally say "LOL", in person...
My favorite part about your rant on how much you hate social media sites was when you posted it from a social media site.
You can save a lot of money by walking face-first into a spiderweb every morning instead of buying coffee.
Nobody cleans a house faster than a man expecting to get laid.
It`s such a beautiful day I had to open the window while I watched TV
Sometimes I wish there was a `Build-a-Girlfriend`.