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when my swear jar gets full I`m going to use the money to buy a f*cking puppy
Why isn`t a menu board at a coffee house called JavaScript?
It´s Friday-O-Clock!!!!!!!!!!!!!
"Probiotic" sounds a lot better than "bacteria infested"
I`m late on the give thanks every day in November thing... so let me catch up. Days 1-22. I`m thankful for boobs
My wife made me coffee this morning & winked at me when she handed me the cup. I`ve never been more scared of a drink in all my life.
My Ex updated her status to "standing on the edge of a cliff" So I "poked" her!
Rabbits jump and they live for 8 years. Dogs run and they live for 15 years. Turtles do nothing and they live for 150 years. Lesson learned.
I saw a spider in my bathtub. So I took a tissue and very, very carefully, burned the house down.
Creating a password in this day and age After the 9th try OKNowI`mReallyMad50BoiledCabbagesUpYourArseIfYouDon`tGiveMeAccessImmediately! `Sorry, that password is already in use`
I keep my landline active because I know sooner or later Trinity or Morpheus will contact me.
Working on my 32 point plan to be more spontaneous. Any suggestions?
Somewhere the inventor of yoga pants is near death from all the high fives and non-stop free tequila shots he gets.
Every photo taken inside my house has at least one laundry basket in the background.
If Reincarnation ends up being real... Those People who got "YOLO" tattoos are going to look... Pretty Silly