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Facebook: Saving us money on birthday cards since 2004
Spoiler alert: this milk expired five days ago
Wanted: Magic hat for a snowman
If you think you hate me now, wait till I start answering your rhetorical questions.
If there`s one thing I`ve learned hiking, it`s the early bird gets the face full of spider webs
Alcohol doesn`t make you fat, it makes you lean..........against tables, chairs, walls, and garbage cans.
Some people hear voices.. Some see invisible people.. Others have no imagination whatsoever.
I bet every guy would be faithful if God took an inch off his d!ck every time he cheated...
Part of me says I can´t keep drinking like this. The other part of me says, "Don´t listen to that guy. He´s drunk."
Everyday I fall in love with you more and more. Except yesturday, yesturday you were pretty f*cking annoying.
Sorry I missed your call ... I was to busy singing and dancing to the ringtone
I`d be much more attracted to you if you were much more attractive.
If we`re all expected to have sex with our Valentine on Valentine`s Day, I`m truly dreading Presidents` Day.
Everyone loved Jack-in-the-box as kids. Now I`m older, I like mine in the bottle
It`s hard to focus on a home workout when your home also contains a refrigerator full of delicious food