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Running away does not help you with your problems, unless you are fat.
Like this if you can’t think of a clever status either.
The awkward moment when you have 10 tabs open and cannot figure out which one the music is coming from.
No one wants to hear about your diet. Just eat your salad and be sad.
Be good to your nieces and nephews. One day you`ll need them to smuggle alcohol into your nursing home.
I`ll never fly Virgin Airlines. Why would anyone want to fly an airline that doesn`t go all the way.
Therapy has taught me that it is all your fault.
Up to date Girl Scout cookie sales by states: California: 138,000 Boxes Florida: 129,000 Boxes Virginia: 126,000 Boxes Colorado: 8 Million Boxes
I finally quit eating pizza for good, now I only eat pizza for evil.
Whenever someone says to me “Things could be worse” I punch them in the face and say “Like that?”
If I’ve offended you with my posts, I humbly apologize. I honestly didn’t think you could read.
My girlfriend is gorgeous, selfless, graceful, highly intelligent and looking over my shoulder as I type.
Sex in the City is the prequel to The Golden Girls, right?
I hope my liquor store is having an after Christmas sale!!
Sometimes I wish there was a `Build-a-Girlfriend`.