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Just slung my bra off & threw it to the other side of the couch where there are already 2 other bras. If my math is right, it`s Wednesday.
When you consider names for your baby, it`s important to try out the middle name in an angry voice.
My local hairdresser just got arrested for selling drugs. Unbelievable! I`ve been her customer for 10 years and had no clue she was a hairdresser!
Talk is cheap, until you hire a lawyer.
Maybe there`s no such thing as automatic doors, just gentlemen ninjas.
You call it multiple personality disorder... I call it being mayor of the little town in my head!
Remember the good ole days when we had to get out of bed to use the Internet.
I`m going to switch my car insurance from Geico to Allstate, then to Statefarm, then back to Geico. If my calculations are correct, they should owe me $837
If at first you don`t succeed, find out where she lives.
I`m only responsible for what I say, not for what you understand
A budget is just a method of worrying before you spend money, as well as afterward.
Good morning friends … Wait … what the hell m I doing up this early?
I don`t know why it`s necessary to get a glass dirty, when wine tastes perfectly fine straight out of the bottle.
If we`re all expected to have sex with our Valentine on Valentine`s Day, I`m truly dreading Presidents` Day.
It must be exhausting being offended by everything.