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I need a keyboard shortcut for "sorry it`s taken me so long to reply to your text..."
Not to brag or anything, but I got the high score on my scale today.
I think my guardian angel drinks.
I won’t come to your party unless you have an animal I can spend the whole time hanging out with.
Let me drink about it and get back to you.
I think I`m approaching my "best if used by" date
If its true we`re here to help others, then what exaclty are the others here for?
I`d like to have a child one day...Two days, tops.
This sushi restaurant has the worst service. "Sir, this is an aquarium"
Today is national I don`t feel like doing sh!t today. Celebrate accordingly.
Why do people say ``I saw it with my own eyes." Do they sometimes use other peoples eyes?
We have cars that park themselves but I still gotta wave my hand 15 times before a paper towel comes out the dispenser
It`s as if none of these people have ever seen a beer hat at the gym before.
I wish I could pick which brain cells the alcohol kills....There`s ALOT of crap I wish I could forget about.....
Chuck E Cheese: Because it`s never too early to introduce your children to gambling and bad nutrition.