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Mowed the lawn yesterday with my shirt off and this morning there were 50 shirts left on my porch with a sign that said, "Please wear."
?-- that guy is cute ?
I love how stars are billions of miles apart and we`re like "that`s a soup ladle".
I`m afraid to hug fat girls....what if they`re hungry?
Why doesn’t a deli slicer just have a scale on it?
The first person who discovered how to make popcorn must have been like "WHAT THE HECK IS GOING ON!"
Searching Netflix is almost more of an activity than watching a movie on Netflix.
On your birthday I think the Airlines should let you exit the plane on the inflatable slide.
I`m available if anyone needs me to ruin a good thing before it even starts.
ME- I love it when you lay me down like that, the way you touch my belly and put cold things on me baby DOCTOR- Miss this is a medical examination and you are making me extremely uncomfortable
Early reports indicate I`m gonna be drunk all weekend.
I saved over $1000.00 on Black Friday. I stayed home and didn`t shop.
No thanks, NASCAR. If I wanted to spend 8 hrs watching a car drive around in a big circle, I`d go on a road trip with my mom.
This Facebook is my serious account. The funny one is my bank account.
wishes that more people would declare thumb wars these days. I`m sure that all this texting has prepared my thumb muscles for battle.