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We got about 5-6 inches of snow here in the last 24 hrs, or, according to men, we got 8 inches.
No one is more confident than a drunk girl wearing a guy’s hat sideways.
Call me old fashioned but I prefer women with eyebrows made out of hair
To honor Thanksgiving this month I will be calling every one Pilgrim instead of Dude or Bro-- Fair warning
How about a T.V. show that just explains the backstory on all of the "For External Use Only" warning labels.
Somebody told me I need adult supervision. I was like "I Know!" It would be awesome to be able to see through walls and shoot lasers out my eyes.
My boyfriend asked me why I bother watching cooking shows when I cant cook so I asked why he bothered watching porn.
Golf ball sized hail wouldn`t be as destructive if we just made golf balls a lot smaller.
Some of us learn from the mistakes of others. The rest of us have to be the others.
If I had a dollar for every time someone has told me to "grow up," I could probably afford a whole arsenal of Super Soakers.
Walmart...because going to Target requires identity theft protection and a shower.
Marriage is just a fancy word for adopting an overgrown man child who can`t take care of himself.
Note to self: stop buying stuff on Ebay when drunk. Anyone need a zamboni?
in wine there is wisdom. in beer there is freedom. in water there is... umm bacteria
I thought there was a spider on the rug but it was just yarn.....it`s dead yarn now, though.