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Girls love shoes… so if she throws one at you, you know she’s really pissed off.
I gotta ask you a sirius question....do you know the muffen man
A gun is like a coupon that works anywhere.
Why do restaurants always say "Shirt and Shoes Required" but never say anything about pants?
Just got a new phone. Pretty pissed all my contacts were not lost.
I always make it a point to become friends with babies. That`s free cake once a year for a lifetime.
Nothing says God is forgiving like hell.
Shout out to people wondering what the opposite of in is.
Some people should calm down, take a deep breath and then hold it for 20 minutes.
Money may not buy happiness but it can certainly improve the quality of your misery
If a$$holes could fly, this place would be an airport
If any of you have gotten any weird texts from me recently, its because my phone is working fine and I`m just trying to make you feel uncomfortable.
Why do they leave folding chairs so close to the wrestling ring? Shouldn’t the maintenance staff have learned their lesson by now?
Welcome to my bedroom,this is where the magic happens.....and by that I mean this is where I read my Harry Potter books.
Having to cash in my State Quarter Collection`s map for gas money is reaching a new low.