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"i wasn`t that drunk"..Dude!you tied me to a chair and bitch-slapped me,yelling "where`s Harry Potter!!"
Why I stay slim? I once was forced to pay for two plane tickets, one for a person who wasn`t travelling with me. That`s why.
169 is still a sex position, but with a creepy guy watching.
I am at the gym! Well, the parking lot. They have free wi-fi.
Guys write songs about girls they love. Girls write songs about guys they have broken up with
I`m at the age where an "all-nighter" just means I didn`t have to get up to pee.
I`m not judging you, I`m just trying to guess what medications you`re on.
You actually have friends? Yeah bro, all 10 seasons on DVD.
*Spoiler Alert*--- Siamese cats are just one cat ... not two cats in one.
Today is the first day of the rest of my Vodka.
The color 9 is my favorite letter.
If I was rich, I´d do nothing all day from a much nicer recliner.
Somewhere, right now.. One of my Facebook friends is already drunk!
Being a woman should count as a pre-existing mental condition.
I prefer a slowie not a quickie.