Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Never do I feel as lazy and rude as when someone else in the room is vacuuming.
Walked into the kitchen for orange juice; walk out with sandwich, crackers, chocolate milk, and the TV remote I lost 30 minutes ago
About 110,000 people contract chlamydia each month, more than signed up for Obamacare. Obamacare is less popular than chlamydia.
I live for two reasons. 1) I was born. 2) I haven`t died yet.
I fail to understand the ‘good’ part of ‘good morning’
I always walk through my office with a stern look on my face and a toilet plunger to avoid conversations.
The worst thing about parallel parking is witnesses...
If everybody was consistently as determined as they are when they carry all groceries in one trip, this world would be in a better place.
Bowling is my favorite sport because you don`t have to run and there`s beer five feet away.
Serious question: Are doctors sure erectile dysfunction isn`t just a side effect of being married & bangin the same woman for years & years?
Men wear the pants in the relationship but women control the zipper.
Great friends never let you do stupid things......alone
Ladies: If he’s right handed, and you find the mouse to the left of the computer monitor, there is only one explanation. Sorry Guys.
I always scratch off the "Plus One" option on wedding invitations are replace it with "Drinking for two"
Youth is wasted on the young.