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When I try to fold fitted sheets it looks like I’m in an infomercial that’s exaggerating how difficult it is to fold fitted sheets.
I always carry a lighter in case I end up at an impromptu concert...or need to set someone`s house on fire. Either way, I`m prepared.
I`m starting to think that the Facebook status update I liked has had absolutely no influence on Government policy at all.
This headache feels like dumb people
I thought I was on the cash cab show! But turns out I was in a police car and cops hate trivia.
First world problems: I couldn’t hear the TV so I had to stop eating chips.
Go to O`Reilly Auto Parts website and type, `121G` in the search bar.
Some of us are basically unpaid Facebook interns.
Whenever being single gets me down, I like to close my eyes, take a deep breath and then go do whatever I want pretty much nonstop.
I didn`t fall. The floor just needed a hug.
Lessons learned from last night: There is no such thing as a goalie in darts
I had this awesome dream last night where Facebook went down and most of you went on a killing spree.
At funerals instead of crying, I tie the dead person’s shoe laces together. It’s not stupid. What if he comes back as a zombie?
Wonders why we can`t just all get a Long....Island Iced Tea?!?
I hate it when I meow at cats and they don`t meow back. Unbelievably rude