Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
When I die and I`m standing at the gates, I hope they give me the carpenter`s cup challenge from Indiana Jones. I`m totally ready for that one.
Happy new years, my friends. Thanks for supporting the site, Ralf.
Gym Update: Not there.
If my sarcasm confuses you it`s because you`re stupid.
You have advice? For me? I have a $5 Starbucks gift card that`s older than you.
Why can`t the ice cream man just get a freakin liquor license already
Targeted ads are trying to sell me a new mattress nowadays. With how much Google knows about me you`d think they`d cap themselves at something like $5 footlongs or stationary.
If Facebook changed "poke" to "stab" I would use it all the time.
What`s cardio, and can I eat it?
When ur mom Calls and u have a party at ur house you; shut up!! Answers phone you; hi mommy!
The funniest thing about being sober is to realize you were so drunk last night you were texting all night with a calculator.
I ate 4 cans of alphabet soup, and just took probably the biggest vowel movement ever
Nobody talk to me until I`ve Instagrammed my coffee.
Women, we don`t say this enough, but thank you...Thank you for not killing us in our sleep. Sincerely, Men.
Know what? If they had Neosporin back in 1931, that nasty scar on Frankenstein`s forehead would have been far less noticeable.