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The length of your "About me" section on Facebook is directly proportional to how annoying you are in real life.
It`s so cold outside I just saw a teenager with his pants pulled all the way up!
Fact: 96% of all arguments end with somebody saying “Google that shit!”
Facebook looks so boring on the outside, but once you start using it, its like NARNIA BRO!
I’d be 100x more motivated if Samuel L. Jackson yelled at me to get things done.
For $60, this printer ink had better be hand squeezed out of endangered squids.
Come on snooze button, is 9 minutes all you have to offer...I need something in the 2-3 hour range.
This guy told me that playing the voilin is the best way to calm you down. I bet he never tried smashing it over someone`s head.
When I get a headache, I take 2 aspirins and keep away from children, just like the bottle says.
I know how to wink my eye in like twelve different languages.
A third zebra strolls casually while whistling and pretending to read a newspaper onto Noah`s ark.
Hey baby, wanna come to myspace and twitter my yahoo `till i google all over your facebook?
Can you shut up now?! Because talking to you sounds less appealing then playing leapfrog with unicorns.
"I need to talk to you” is the one sentence that has the power to make you remember every bad thing you’ve ever done in your life.
I think Labor Day is to remind people that after a full day with the family, going to work actually isn`t so bad after all.