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Kiss me I`m Irish, put a little tongue in it, I`m French too
My friends are the type of friends that if my house was on fire, they would be over here with marshmallows and hitting on the hot fireman!
Siri, destroy the vehicle in front of me.
Told my wife I wanted our kids every other weekend and she reminded me that we`re married & live together so I`d have to see them every day.
I need to stop making things more complicated than they need to be. I`m adding that to my bucket Power Point presentation.
We have so much in common. You want to travel and I want you to go.
he who laughs last thinks slow
People who walk in front of the theatre screen while you`re watching a pirated movie on your computer are so rude.
Apparently, "Giant ones" is not the appropriate response to the question, "What are the steps you would take in the event of an emergency?"
No matter how lazy you feel, just remember that Goldilocks decided to take a nap during a break and enter.
Whenever I hear someone say “STOP” my brain says “Hammer Time”
I`m so old, I remember when the internet didn`t have commercials.
Internet Dating......The Odds are good but the Goods are odd
"Hey bro shotgun this beer" No I don`t drink "You wanna be cool don`t you?" I don`t drink "C`mon NERD!" Grandma PLEASE stop
Being handed a flyer is the offline version of a pop-up ad.