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I don’t care what the expiration date says, I have to smell it.
Thanks to this huge spider web I just walked into, we can now add the neighbors to the list of people that have seen me naked.
Why be difficult, when with just a little more effort, you can be impossible.
I`ve got good news and bad news. The good news is this status is almost over. The bad news is you read the whole thing.
For Sale. Old batteries, free of charge.
Per Wikipedia, there are two kinds of scorpions. One can sting and kill you like a spider, the other can sing and rock you like a hurricane
If it was the other way around, I doubt one cat would take in 23 old ladies.
If two cannibals fight, does that make it a food fight?
I need a thingy to fix the thingy because the thingy came loose and the thingy is wiggly now. Do you sell those? -Me, at Home Depot
Before social networking you could just completely forget someone existed, it ruled.
The internet has made me so ADD. Started off googling "how to replace a timing belt" ended up watching a video on how to milk a camel.
Life Tip: Get a birthday card with anything you are embarrassed to buy.
Apparently it`s ok to leash your dog to a bike rack, but it`s illegal to leash your kid to one. Parenting is hard...
Dear Ninja Turtles, Why are you wearing masks? There are no other giant, mutated turtles. No one`s gonna mistake a different turtle for you.
Of course China is dominating the olympics, they probably made all of the equipment.