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I might not be a great example, but I´m one hell of a good warning.
My TV volume is always set at "f*ck the neighbors".
Drunk me loves creating awkward encounters for sober me.
If you`ve never put fake blood capsules in your mouth before going to the dentist you are too mature to be my friend.
Oops is farting in the elevator and thinking it would be silent.
After months of uninterrupted analysis, I am now prepared to conclude that, indeed, my laundry is not going to fold itself.
Halloween is my favorite holiday where you can trespass on a stranger`s property and make a non-negotiable demand.
Nothing makes you feel more insignificant than still having 85% battery at noon.
You ever make fun of someone so much, you think you should thank them for all the good times you’ve had?
My life coach just benched me.
The Patriots defensive coverage was almost as bad as the coverage by Obamacare.
Sorry I`m late. I had five cups of coffee and became convinced I could probably bend a fork with my mind, so I had to give it an honest try.
Before having a kid the most important thing to ask yourself is “Am I ready to watch the exact same cartoon on repeat for the next 4 years?”
If you had to choose between your significant other and a million dollars, what`s the first thing you`d buy?
Don`t feel bad if you don`t enjoy my posts. The important thing to remember is that I do. I enjoy all of them. That`s what matters.