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I want someone to look at me the way I look at the waiter when he brings my meal.
The object of golf.... is to play the least amount of golf.
At work hitting the escape key...... Nothing is happening, im still here.
When people say "You look so familiar" responding with "Were we in prison together?" is almost always a conversation killer.
These peopele at the gym are looking at me like they expect me to share my donuts ... SMH
The TV is so loud! But not quite loud enough to make me get up and get the remote.
Its sad that we live in a world that puts words into the dictionary if enough stupid people use it.
There are days when everything goes perfectly. . I wonder what those are like?
Covers on, too hot. Covers off, too cold. One foot out would prolly be ok, but I don’t wanna be dragged from bed paranormal activity style.
People are so predictable..I bet you`re even reading this status right now.
If you insist on sending me pics of your boobs please at least be a female!!
I dream of a day when a mysterious hand will pop out of the screen and b!tch-slap you silly each time you post a boring or stupid status.
Every pair of panties can be a thong if your a$$ is big enough.
Life should be more like Hockey. If somebody pisses you off, you beat the sh!t out of them, then sit in a penalty box for 5 minutes
They say that absence makes the heart grow fonder. It`s true... The less I see of someone, the more I like them!