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Someone should use screen recording software to record an entire day’s worth of working on spreadsheets and post it to YouTube so that I can play it full screen and pretend like I’m working.
Why do they waste so much money on all the checkout lanes at Walmart, when they only have two of them open at any given time.
“Are you working right now? Where are you working?” Facebook is worse than my parents.
Wow! it`s late.. I need to hit the sack........ Then go to bed.
The first person who discovered how to make popcorn must have been like "WHAT THE HECK IS GOING ON!"
Who was the greatest prostitute in history? Ms. Pac Man, for 25 cents that bitch would swallow balls til she died!
Thank God you`ve updated your status to "Finished lunch" after you first posted "Going to lunch" I really couldn`t tolerate more suspense.
So how old does a highway have to be before you tell him he`s adopted?
My wife and I decided not to have kids. The kids are taking it pretty hard.
75% of my day consists of looking at the clock and not believing it
You know you’re ugly when it comes to a group picture and they hand you the camera.
Laughter is not the best medicine. Laughter with large amounts of alcohol & wild crazy monkey sex - now that`s the best medicine.
I love myself everyday. Sometimes, twice a day.
Well another funny thing about this status is, by the time your done reading this, you realize it talks about absolutely nothing and you just wasted your time. Welcome to Facebook.
I think a clear conscience is really just memory loss.