Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Roadside sobriety tests are getting ridiculous...Last night I had to fold a fitted sheet.
MTV canceled Teen Mom, so it`s like they had those babies for nothing.
Not sure why my wife is only mad at me, our 4 year old forgot her birthday too.
Therapy helps ... but screaming obscenities is faster and cheaper!
Hell yes, I would love to get stoned to death. Wait, rocks?! What rocks?
Why do the commercials with the husband and wife doing a home improvement project never show the fistfight?
I put the "fun" in "functioning alcoholic"
I bet my church never imagined it was even possible to twerk to Amazing Grace.
I just keep telling myself you guys don`t have sex either.
I`ll never understand women. They hate when you ask their age, but get mad if you forget their birthday.
Testing shows that people in the USA know less about geography than England, Japan and like 100 other countries I`ve never heard of.
My husband picks fights with me like he doesn`t even value half of all his assets.
They say milk is good for your teeth..you know what else is good for your teeth..minding your own damn buisness
There`s no way that whatever mothballs prevent is worse than the smell of mothballs.
You seem awesome. I can`t wait to find out what I hate about you.