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Let me be clear, I don`t want to die alone. However I want to be left completely alone until that moment
I`ve done so much f*cked up sh!t while I was drunk that I have to drink to forget it all.
“Over my dead body” doesn’t mean “no.” It means I get to do what I want and as a bonus I get to kill you.
"Just be yourself" doesn`t work if you suck.
Jehovah`s witnesses don`t celebrate Halloween. I guess they don`t appreciate random people coming up to their doors.
I’m what you would call “indoorsy”
My neighbors listen to some excellent music. Whether they like it or not.
Things I didn`t learn in high school... how to pay bills buy a house apply for college but thank goodness I can graph a polynomial function.
I really hate it when people need constant re-assurance. You know what I mean?
I told my girlfriend I`m Harry Potter`s Godfather... She laughed hard and said "you can`t be Sirius"
POLITICS; from `poly` meaning `many and `Tics` meaning blood-sucking creatures. Just sayin`
This guy told me that playing the voilin is the best way to calm you down. I bet he never tried smashing it over someone`s head.
I have hit the age where sex and choosing the exact right size Tupperware for leftovers are equally satisfying...
The most impressive thing about how cowboys used to have showdowns at high noon is that they could get two people to be on time to something
When your running down the street on fire, people will get out of your way