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Almost time for my nightly foursome......... Me, my bed, my pillow and my blanket! What the hell were YOU thinkin` you perv!!!!!!
To error is human, to forgive is divine, to keep your damn mouth shut is much appreciated.
Wedding: The really expensive party taking place relatively 5-10 years before your divorce.
If there are ice cream trucks in the summer, why aren’t there Starbucks pumpkin spice latte trucks in the winter?
I`m pretty sure apple kid below needs help..
Mario Bros. Plumbing ????? (69 Reviews) Hired them to clear my drain, stomped my turtle to death and ran off with my girlfriend.
WTF, marathoners? I don’t even like to drive 26 miles.
When I started out, I was young and idealistic, I wanted a Career and to make a difference in the World, but it turned out that I only wanted Paychecks........
I like to flush the toilet a few times when I`m on the phone with someone who calls me so they know not to do that again
Every snack you make, every meal you bake, every bite you take, I`ll be watching you. - Dog
I am not particularly bad at cooking but how long is pasta supposed to stay in the toaster ?
The best two kinds of beer in this world are....Cold & Free..
Cleavage is like the sun, you can look... But its dangerous to stare
If I have nosy neighbors, I always like to dig five 7 ft. x 3 ft. x 6 ft. holes in the back yard and every couple of days, Fill one in.
Can I just drop it like it’s luke warm? It’s been a long day and I’m tired.