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At first, I had my doubts about using autocorrect. But my new phone probed me wrong. PROVED DAMNIT! PROVED!
"We`re pregnant!" -people who don`t understand science
Separating the men from the boys, one mood swing at a time.
I`m not the type of person you should put on speaker phone
I commend any woman for going into labor outside a hospital setting. If I have to poop anywhere besides my own bathroom I go into panic mode
Attention...my facebook page has been hacked. But everyone seems to like the new guy better, me too actually...so fvck it!
There are three kinds of people: Those who totally agree with my messages, those who kind of agree with me, and those locked in the trunk of my car.
I`d like to give a big shout-out to all my hard of hearing friends!
I hate it when you`re buying stuff off the Internet and the bank calls to check to see if your card has been stolen. Sure, it seems nice, but then you have to explain to lady on the phone that no, it was not stolen, you really are the one who bought a subscription to bustyblondes.com
I finally figured out how to get rid of that annoying sound in my car. I opened the door and pushed her out!!
I know exactly how a bomb technician feels when I try to open a cup of cherry mixed fruit without the juice spraying out.
Nothing is more heartbreaking than unappreciated sarcasm!
It`s ok to admit when you`re wrong. Just don`t tell anyone.
Kinda makes you wonder how many employees used to piss on their hands in the bathroom before management finally took action
I`m the type of person who will throw away the manual and ponder for 3 hours "where the hell do I start"