Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Wow!!, What a day..I volunteered at a soup kitchen, mowed my lawn, went to 2 Birthday parties, ran 6 miles, then told a bunch of lies on Facebook.
A Girl Scout made headlines when she sold cookies outside a Colorado pot shop. There’s no word on how she plans to spend her first million.
I love how when your watching a crime show and they have to tell you that "this is a reenactment" oh really? you mean you didn`t actually catch the murder on video?
My GPS is basically just one more woman in my life who I turn on and then ignore.
There are three kinds of people: Those who totally agree with my messages, those who kind of agree with me, and those locked in the trunk of my car.
Ran out of toilet paper, so I had to use leaves. Just kidding, but my son learned a big lesson about leaving his clothes on the bathroom floor.
I hope someone drives slightly slower in front of you on a crowded highway and you can’t pass.
If you`re gonna label the silica gel "do not eat", maybe you should label everything in the box. I almost ate a shoe before someone stopped me
For Christmas I just want summer...
Sometimes, when I wake up in the morning, I`ll read 4 or 5 status updates and I`ll cry, because I relieze how dysfunctional some of my friends life`s are. but then I`ll smile when I remember things like the leftover pizza from last night sitting on the coffee table!
My favorite part of a marathon is watching the reaction of runners who grab my plastic cup of vodka.
I just replaced the can of air freshener in the office bathroom with an air horn. And now we wait....
i didn`t know i had a facebook account until now
If you didn’t want me stopping by for cake, you shouldn’t have advertised your birthday with balloons & banner on your mailbox.
Ever wish the choice you made and the “right thing to do” were the same thing?