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If it rains on a dream catcher, does that make it a wet dream catcher?
When I`m sad, I sing...Then I realise my voice is worse than my problems.
If someone hates you for no reason, give that motherf*cker a reason.
North West? Im confused i thought Kim Kardashian gave birth to a child not a compass
Abbreviation is an unnecessarily long word.
Do you ever feel like you`re in Season 5 of your life, and the writers are just doing outrageous stuff to keep it interesting?
That sounds fried. I`ll take it.
Her: I love it when we finish each other`s Him: pancakes
An apple a day will keep anyone away ... if thrown hard enough.
Every selfie you post should come stamped with a number like a limited edition print. "Attempt 7 of 25".
If you give up smoking, drinking, and sex, you don’t live longer, just seems longer.
Imagine if someone`s name was Gurt. You`d be all "yo gurt!" .. funny? no? Ok (._.)
Remind me why I work 40 hours a week to be this poor?
I do yoga to relieve stress. Just kidding. I drink wine in yoga pants.
You know that look women get when they want sex ? ..........me neither.