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*wants to travel the world but has like 3 dollars*
Laxatives............for people who don`t give a crap.
Relationships are like yard sales... They look good from a distance but you get there & realize its just a bunch of sh!t you dont need.
I love long walks on the beach under the moonlight, poetry, candlelight dinners, and having my a$$ spanked with a fuzzy slipper.
So the other day a girl asked me to Facebook her, needless to say she wasn`t to happy after I hit her in the face with a book
I’m drinking like there’s snow tomorrow.
People all around the world are out doing interesting and productive things right now. You are reading this.
My wife told me her favourite position is when i lay very very still for a few hours........late at night....until the alarm clock goes off in the morning.
Do you like me? Breathe for yes, lick your elbow for no.
Why don`t strip clubs do Black Friday? It would be the one place I would camp out to go in.
When do you take 5 hr energy? Right when I get off work ..12am!..beer here I come!
I always try to learn from the mistakes of other people..... who have taken my advice
I ordered a pizza when my wife went into labor. Thad ad said, "buy a pizza, and get free delivery.
Efficiency: skip your morning, wake up in the afternoon.
Look!!! I am always here for you no matter what,OK? unless there is something good on tv or I`m eating pie