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30 years later and my Cabbage Patch Kid still has no clue that he`s adopted.
Sometimes it`s nice to know karma is still a feisty little b!tch.
You can pretty much text anything as long as you put a happy face emoticon afterwards. You`re a slut :)
We can operate a robot on another planet, but yet I`m still struggling to get this vending machine to take my wrinkled dollar.
Consumer confidence is at an all time high, and so am I.
How do they get the deer to cross at that yellow road sign?
I`m at my neighbor`s house having a delicious dinner. Hope I finish before they get home.
Sometimes I mop the carpet just so my wife doesn`t ask me to help with stuff.
Sometimes, just to annoy my Therapist, I’ll ask him; “so how does my lack of progress make you feel?”
People think I`m crazy because I talk to my cat. What am I supposed to do? Just ignore him when he asks me a question?
If all men are created equal then why are there midgets?
I don`t know what`s longer, a treadmill minute or a microwave minute.
Reason number 347 why I hate Facebook: A guy from high school posted 11 new photos all with the caption "me"
Talking to me this morning is like trying to dribble a ball with not enough air in it.
Why is it that people who drink energy drinks seem like the people with the least amount of sh!t going on?