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You can tell a guy has a woman in his life when he remembers to do stuff like put on deodorant and wipe his butt most of the time!
Please ignore this post, I`m pretending to be adding a coworker`s phone number.
A good husband is like a bra. He should be supportive and help support your burdens, but mostly he`s just there to touch your boobs.
Jerry: Tom, you are a genius!.. Tom: Yeah, I am called that a lot... Jerry: What? Genius?... Tom: No, `Tom`
The key to any successful marriage is separate TVs.
You`re from my dreams... Or nightmares. I can`t decide which.
New College Admissions Test ______ not getting into this college: A. Your B. Ur C. You`re D. U`re
If you come to myspace and twitter about my yahoo, can I google over your facebook?
Just printed out 50 copies of today`s weather forecast to carry around with me today because I`m just not in the mood for small talk.
It’s like I was put on this earth so unstable people have somebody to date.
Worst part about getting a phone call is the 12 seconds you can`t use your phone as you wait for it to stop ringing.
I just saw the neighbor`s kid trying to spray whipped cream on his cat. I`m thinking he overheard something last night in that house he wasn`t supposed to.
People who get offended on the internet are the same people who take mini golf seriously.
Im convinced that one day we will all live in the future.
Just scraped 3 inches of "Mostly Cloudy" off my car.