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Almost time for my nightly foursome......... Me, my bed, my pillow and my blanket! What the hell were YOU thinkin` you perv!!!!!!
If you don`t know where you are going, any road will get you there.
Was sitting and doing nothing. Then I realized I could be sitting and doing nothing on Facebook. So here I am.
BEST PICK UP LINE: You would probably sleep better tonight if we had sex.
Couples have an amount they can spend up to without discussing with each other. Mine is around $50. My wife`s is around $643.27. Apparently
From now on when skinny girls say they`re fat I`m just gonna be like, "Yup" & walk away.
Ferris Bueller did more in one day than I did last year.
I thought my name was "Stop encouraging him" until I was 11.
I wish more of my handcuff stories involved sex instead of police officers.
The best occupation to work from home as: Bartender.
My math is never so quick or exact as when I see an old flame with a child.
I know alcohol isn`t the answer, but it`s my best guess.
I like to start my morning off with a good nap.
Neighbor said hi again. I`m just gonna move
If I owned a pet store Id put a different rat in the turtle cage every night just to see if any of the turtles knew karate the next morning.