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I am creating the first ever "flavored windows". They should make some of you very happy.
Sorry I cut you off mid-sentence so I could sprint after an ice cream truck.
Something I never said as a kid: My book stopped working.
I just ended a 5 year relationship. Luckily it wasn`t mine.
You don’t have to be naked to have a good time, but it helps.
Don`t forget, If anyone asks we are a normal family.
My hobbies include trying to close the elevator door before someone else gets on.
The best thing about owning a Smart Car is if you get too drunk at the bar you can just carry it home.
In an alternate universe somewhere, all the ducks are making white girl faces.
Dear Customer Service: First of all, you should know that I´m typing this with my middle finger.
Hey ladies! Great news! Those low riding, butt crack, hip hugger jeans are coming back in style!
I was discussing with my friend about the popular trends on sex, marriage and values. He says to me, "I didn’t sleep with my wife before we got married, did you?" I replied. "I’m not sure, what was her maiden name?"
It only takes one person to ruin it for everyone...Be that person.
Do you think people will start blaming auto correct for there marriages breaking down?
I have two words for this week. BEER ME!!!