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Life is harder for the beautiful people. I’m sorry you’ll never know.
I love tan lines... it`s like God came down and high-lighted all the good parts... ;-)
Last night I dreamed I was eating a giant marshmallow. When I woke up in the morning, my pillow was gone...
I`m sorry baby, but me & you are not going to work out. We are going to watch tv.
If I`ve learned anything from these ghost hunter shows, it’s that everyone speaks English after they die.
OK I`ve stumbled out of bed and made it to the computer- and another Facebook day begins!
Why Am I Sober? - A Horror Story
I`m sending a whole bunch of emails to random Nigerians letting them know they`ve won the Canadian lottery.
I need u to do me a favor... Stand in front of my car please... I need to test my brakes :)
if i get a friend request from you and your profile picture is a car i`ll asume your a transformer
You’re one of those women that my mom warned me about…Here’s my number.
Don`t talk about yourself so much... we`ll do that when you leave.
I hate it when I mentally undressing someone and my OCD kicks in and I start folding their clothes.
To whoever said “fight fire with fire”: do you actually test your own advice before giving it?
What was that idiot thinking when he invented white underwear?