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Friend: Hey that`s a great truck. what kinda engine? Me: [rubbing the hood] it`s got a truck engine
On a scale of Doopers, you`re pretty Super.
"Being naked isn`t fun" - said no one ever.
Tomorrow is Valentines day, a holiday that comes along once a year to remind you that if you don`t have a special someone...I guess your alone.
You know you`re non-domesticated when the only reason you finally transfer the dishes from the sink to the dishwasher is so you can gain access to the garbage disposal.
Friends would describe me as classy, sassy and a bit smart-assy.
I`m not saying you`re stupid; you just have bad luck when it comes to thinking.
Receipts are just short-stories about how stupid you are with money.
They`ll find Bigfoot before they find a Smoothie store that`s been open for more than 2 years.
Do you guys remember 10 years ago, when all the people with gluten allergies were dying in the streets like diseased cattle?
How I sing it: "A, B, C, D, E, F, G,....H, I, J, K, A LEMON OH PEE!....Q, R, S....T, U, V....W, X....Y, and Z."
A man asks a trainer in a gym - "I want to impress that beautiful girl, which machine can I use?" Trainer replies - "use the ATM"
These bar stools are creaky!! [continues to fart on first date]
Today has been approved by both my middle fingers.
Clearly if you have to blame yourself, you`re not hanging out with enough people.