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I just saw a hot mom at McDonalds spank her kid after he threw his fries on the ground, so I threw my fries on the ground too.
I wish "friends with benefits" meant your friends paid all of your bills.
My friend named her female dog Karma... Karmas a bitch.
I once dated a meteorologist just so I could be with a woman who wasn`t right all the time.
I laid awake all night again worrying about why I’m always so tired.
I`m pretty sure some of you just drag your face across the keyboard and hit send.
Honestly, it`s not the way I look that reveals my age. It`s my use of complete sentences, proper grammar and spelling when I text.
Be honest, you haven’t even walked a mile in your own shoes.
If pigs could fly.. Would I be able to get high on bacon?
Why procrastinate today when you can procrastinate tomorrow?
I`m not saying that I`ve been online too long, I`m just saying that when I close my eyes I scroll through my thoughts
I`m leaving my body to science fiction
The differance between flirting and sexual harrassment ... If you`re attrative, it`s flirting.
If there`s a bar where everybody knows your name, you`re probably an alcoholic.
If I had a penny for everytime I heard you bitch at me I`d have enough money to invest in a hitman