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Sometimes Google should just come back with a message that says "trust me, you don`t want to know."
Only thing harder than quitting cold turkey is quitting warm ham. It`s delicious.
Hi, you`ve reached my voicemail. Why didn`t you text me? I`ll never call you back. Like, ever. You`d have better luck with a telegram.
Lots of us suffer in silence. You should try it.
the difference between people and celebreties ...... celebreties don`t have a routine
If you don`t pay your exorcist do you get repossessed?
I wonder if the clouds ever look down on us and say "Hey look! ...that one`s shaped like an idiot!"?
Iām exhausted just thinking of everything I have to do.
"I`ll let you know" = I need more time to come up with an excuse
Juicing changed my life. I went from being overweight, to being overweight and owning a juicer.
Arguing over a girl`s bust size is like choosing between Molson, Heineken, Coors or Budweiser -- Men may state their preferences, but will grab whatever is available.
"I`ll drink to that." -me to my next drink
Everyone picks their nose at some point, it`s what you choose to do next that defines who you are as a person.
Rich people have rehab. Poor people have jail.
I never drink unless I am alone or with somebody.