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If a dentist makes money off people with unhealthy teeth, why should I trust a toothbrush that 4 out of 5 dentists recommend?
Everybody says waking up at 5 in the morning to exercise makes you feel great but I think lying in bed for another 2 hours feels better.
in 2014 there were times when I annoyed you, disturbed you, irritated you and bugged the hell out of you. Today i wanna let you know that i planned to continue with it this year :-)
is available for rebound sex.
This dishwasher sucks. It`s already ruined three of my paper plates.
If video games have taught me anything, it’s that if you encounter enemies then you’re going the right way.
The fact that Pitbul is even considered a musician is more disgusting than the fact that toothpaste was invented years after french kissing was.
I look forward to paying off all my debt so I can get back to just being broke.
The guy who invented, "Take Your Child To Work Day," probably forgot to drop his kid off at school on his way to work..
When you are dead, you don`t know you are dead but other people do. The same is true when you are stupid.
You know what would make this Vodka & cranberry better? The Bahamas.
"There is a policeman in here and he will ARREST YOU." Things I say to my kids when we`re in public.
"It`s not you, it`s me." -Twins looking at some family photos.
I don`t need WebMD to tell me what`s wrong with me, I have my mother.
I google myself sometimes just to know what the hell I`m up to. ;)