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Sarcasm: because snapping a neck is frowned upon in a court of law.
PRINCIPAL: are you the new english teacher? TEACHER: yes i are.
Wife is out of town until tomorrow night. Anyone wanna come sit on the other end of the sofa and ignore me?
I`ll be right with you, I`m busy being inappropriate on the internet.
Yes Grandma, I`m almost positive Arachnophobia is not the fear of people from Iraq
The Internet: An electronic version of, "Now, why did I walk into this room?"
Someone said to me earlier, "Your face looks very familiar". I said, "I know, I`ve had it a long time."
There are two ways to go about arguing with a woman and neither one works.
The guest of honour was a bit subdued. The Keyboardist was playing too softly for my liking. But it was a good turnout, lots of food and laughter. But break out into one choreographed `Thriller` dance routine and the crowd goes all apesh!t and tosses you out of the funeral home.
I do my best proofreading after I hit `send`.
Diamonds are the hardest substance in the world ... to get back from a woman
my phone battery lasts longer than relationships this days !
You know you are the ugly one if they ask you to take the photo.
Sent an email to my Mom. Now I`m at her place showing her how to open it.
The Wizard of Oz is the ultimate chick flick. It`s about two women trying to kill each other over shoes.