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Nothing is as scary as logging into Facebook and seeing someone you were secretly with last night has uploaded a new album.
I hate when a couple argues in public but I missed the start and don`t know whose side I`m on.
Okay, calm down. Its a spider. Just one tiny litt- HOLY MOLY IT MOVED!
To the squirrel carrying the mushroom up a tree to his nest: you may want to eat that with your feet firmly on the ground, buddy.
I like having an ex ...it gives me something to do on Facebook at 3 in the morning.
Hmmmm what should I buy myself for Valentines day.
Girls probably spend more time thinking about what men think than men actually spend thinking.
When I procrastinate, current me really expects a lot out of future me.
Video Game Logic: Everyone worse than me is my bitch and everyone better than me has no life.
It`s too bad parallel lines never meet because they have so much in common.
My online dating profile is just a picture of my ex-wife and the words "NOT THIS."
My clothes are 75% off and this is not a sale.
Not one person has been eaten by sharks yet this week. Probably the worst Shark Week ever.
I robbed a bank yesterday....now the question is, what to do with all that sperm....
I try not to limit my madness to March.