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I don’t have a problem with caffeine.I have a problem without caffeine.
¦It’s time to clean the refrigerator when something closes the door from the inside.
How can you tell if a smurf has the blues?
If Eve sacraficed the whole human race for Apple, I wonder what she would have done for a Klondike Bar?
There is no greater stress than the stress of a guy who forgot his phone & left it at home with his wife.
A dozen roses: $12, a box of chocolates: $10, a Happy Valentines Day card: $2, still having $24 dollars because you`re single: priceless!
If Jesus is the reason for the season.......why is the church parking lot empty and Wal Marts is full?
Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
Marriage: When dating goes too far.
“Yes” is a perfectly legitimate response when asked how many drinks you’ve consumed.
Dance like no one´s going to put it on YouTube.
Watching these gymnasts doing the balance beam is making me feel really bad about almost missing the couch.
Sharks aren’t so bad. If some stranger entered my house wearing only a Speedo, I would probably attack him too.
My wife looks super hot without glasses. That’s why I stopped wearing them.
Why has no one invented a button next to snooze which emails your boss to say you`re gonna be late?