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A bee will knowingly risk its own life just to cause you a little pain. I can totally relate to that feeling.
"The more the merrier!" usually means "oh, you overheard us making those plans, huh?"
My friends think I never listen to their opinions... like I give a sh*t what they think.
Tonight`s good mood is sponsored by ... Beer!!
The Supreme Court has ruled that they cannot have a nativity scene in Washington, D.C. This wasn`t for any religious reasons. They couldn`t find three wise men and a virgin.
Of all the lies I tell, "I was just kidding!" is my favorite.
A mouse trap, placed on top on of your alarm clock will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep.
I stayed at a really nice, really fancy hotel this weekend. The towels were so thick I could hardly get my suitcase shut.
Don`t talk to me like I`m stupid until you know for sure.
Where have you been all my life? Can you go back there?
Can anyone tell me how to become a illegal immigrant, their benefits are undeniably more superior to our own.
Apparently it`s ok to leash your dog to a bike rack, but it`s illegal to leash your kid to one. Parenting is hard...
YOU ARE NOT THE BOSS OF ME is not a good thing to say to your boss.
If anyone knows Phillip tell him I have a bunch of his screwdrivers.
That sound you hear when you already closed the cupboard & hear something fall -yeah, that’s the sound of someone else’s problem.