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I got drunk last night and watched the most hilarious television show for hours until I sobered up and realized it was just a mirror.
someone took my mood ring away... dont know how i feel about it
If your man is reluctant to talk about his feelings, it’s probably because you haven’t told him what they are yet.
My wife complained that I never lifted a finger to help around the house. So I lifted a finger. Apparently, it was the wrong one.
I spend more time looking in the fridge than I actually do eating.
Plot twist: WebMD says you`re just thirsty
Do you think the inventor of the USB will be buried twice? The 2nd time because they put him in the wrong way?
Call me old fashioned but I prefer women with eyebrows made out of hair.
NASCAR pit crews are always retiring. Let it sink in: now laugh
I`m making a list of regrets. Just to be sure I`m accurate, how do you spell your name again?
If you love someone, set them free. If they come back, nobody else wanted them either :)
If you slept with my husband I`d be like "OMG how much do I owe you?"
Do you smoke? Smokers: "Yes." Non-Smokers: "Never have, never will." Stoners: "Smoke what?"
It’s amazing how easily “I have 10 minutes to waste before I need to leave” accidentally turns into “oh crap I’m running late.”
I don’t have a bucket list, but my f*cket list is a mile long.