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One of the first things they tell you in AA is to stop hanging around alcoholics. So I listened, and never went back.
Before we start this relationship, I am going to need you to explain a few pics in your Facebook albums.
I built that beach a sandcastle. Beaches love sandcastles.
MAN LAW 101: No man should ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man.
You can always make any conversation awkward by pulling out and starting a stopwatch without saying why you’re doing it.
I guess I`m somewhat of a big deal, I tell people about my accomplishments and they say "big Deal
Give fat people a break. They have a lot on their plate.
I put the b!tch in the kitchen.~ last thing I remember saying before I woke up in the hospital.
When you turn 21, you can legally do all the things you`ve been doing since you were 15.
Not many people can say their Batman wallet matches their underwear like I can.
You’re not important enough to have haters. You just have a few people who notice you’re an a$$hole.
Calories? I think you mean delicious points!
Write me your opinions on this extra soft paper and leave it next to my toilet.
I saw some ducks practicing their teenage girl faces at the pond today.
Did you know that if we laid all the facebook account owners end to end around the world. Three quarters of them would Drown? Hmm ....