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Girls who say "alot of guys are after me" should keep in mind that cheap things always attract many customers.
I’m starting to think that the gym isn’t really for me. I went this morning and laid down on the mat to do some sit-ups. I woke up 2 hours later.
That Awkward Moment when you Greet you Brother on some random website. Brett to Daniel. sup Lerch!
Based on how many times I`ve dropped my phone, I`m gonna hold off on the whole baby thing.
Chuck Norris doesn`t flush the toilet...he just scare the sh!t out of it.
I hate waiting in lines. I wish this woman would hurry up and pick a suspect.
I answered the door in my underwear. That WAS the tip, pizza guy!
I saw the city workers putting up a sign on my street and it says Bumpy road ... so I put up a sign that says ,, FIX IT !
My son asked what he should say if a bully said to give him his lunch money. I said tell him you left it on his moms nightstand.
Happy Fat Tuesday! Join me again tomorrow on I`m still fat Wednesday
never realized how awkward it is to study the reproductive system in a coffee shop.. until now.
Why do we even ask rhetorical questions?
If there’s one thing that having kids will teach you, it’s home repair.
Saw some girl pull up to her mailbox, open her door & then fall entirely out of her car while reaching for the mail ... JK ...It was me.
To avoid being eaten by Zombies go to "settings", "public", and uncheck the box that says "Facebook users taste like chicken"