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The only difference between fear and adventure is how much you breathe.
Looks like I won`t be updating my status today...
“I promise”, “I am sorry”, and “I love you” all have eight letters, but then again, so does “bullshit”.
2 words, 1 finger.
Yesterday I had to screw in a light bulb . Later, I crossed a road and walked into a bar. My life is a joke.
Sometimes I think of something so wrong and inappropriate that my little black heart skips a beat with delight.
How does it change many dyslexics to take a lightbulb?
What kind of jerk makes an anti-anxiety pill difficult to break in half?
If your wife has 2 phones, save both numbers under one name : “Wife” Never save them as "Wife1" and “Wife2" ~ a husband from the hospital
When one door closes, another opens ... I had a Chevette that was like that.
I hate lying to kids but my daughter asked me what twerking was and I told her it was when identical twins go to each others` jobs
Golf is such a strange game. You shout four, shoot six, and write down five.
Fun Things to do : Commenting “not your best” on everybody’s selfies.
What if Justin Bieber is also Miley Cyrus? I mean have you ever seen them in one place at the same time?
I`m terribly conflicted when people I hate from work, bring cupcakes.