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Remember, an easily stolen ADT security sign placed on your lawn is the first line of defense against crime.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
You guys make Facebook worth it! Just kidding, we are all wasting our lives.
I’m a proud supporter of messy hair and sweatpants.
went to see the conjuring, and now there`s 10 crosses, four bibles, and a poster of Chuck Norris in my room.
Everytime I see a mattress tied to the top of a car, I think….there’s another prostitute making a house call……
How crazy is it that we used to say "three and a half inch floppy" with a straight face
Passed a vampire, a zombie, and a prostitute on the way to work tonight. Not sure which ones were in costume…
Rough day! I have now completed the top 6 things off my to-do list ... Time to go get another six pack I guess.
You’re lucky that I’m so terrified of prison.
I have tons of friends! Well i only have one... but she ways a ton!
"Lets hang out sometime" -liars.
I`m pretty sure if you watched a movie of my life backwards it probably would be about a guy who refills beer cans and puts them in the fridge.
I hate being bipolar, it`s great .
Sex in the City is the prequel to The Golden Girls, right?