Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I should run for political office just to see what kind of scandalous dirt they dig up. It would be nice to piece together my twenties.
Nothing says "My life isn`t going exactly as I planned" quite like being at Wal Mart at 1am.
What would I do if I won the lottery? Make Charlie Sheen look like an amateur.
The first rule of Right Club is that your wife is the only member of Right Club
I sure buy a lot of alcohol. Hope I`m not a shopaholic.
Women are like squirrels, very cute from a distance but will fight like hell when you try to pick them up and get them in your car.
Sometimes I get up really early, drink some coffee and read some awesome motivational quotes. Then I go back to bed.
Monday must be a man ... It comes too quickly.
If you are willing to date an ex, it means that you`re backwards compatible.
My doctor said I’m healthy enough for sex, just not attractive enough.
I watched my first porn movie today. I looked so much younger back then...
It doesn’t matter how many signs I put up around the office, HR said high five a co-worker in the face with a shovel day isn’t a thing.
I hate when homesless people shake their cup of coins at me. It`s like yeah I know you have more money than me, no need to rub it in.
I watched my first porn movie today. I looked so much younger back then.
Hope dogs are kissing us and not trying to see if we started tasting good yet.