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“I don’t watch tv” proudly says a person who spend 8 hours a day on the internet.
Flashlight: A case for holding dead batteries.
SPOILER ALERT: Rice cakes do not contain any actual cake.
Friends are like orgasms... nobody wants the fake ones.
When all else fails… Pizza & Beer.
Knife > gun because if I pull a knife, you don`t know what I`m gonna do. Stab you? Open a letter? Or am I gonna frost a cake? It`s a mystery
I need a vacation ... or this fifth of Jack -Me at the liqiour store
I`m at my best mathematically when I wake up before the time my alarm is set for
Next time a guy says he wants to fight you, just say "not in that outfit!" and roller skate away
Sometimes it`s easy to forget we would all violently murder each other if we couldn`t obtain basic food or water. Have a great day guys.
I`m old enough to remember when apparently the worst thing life could hand you was lemons.
At what age is it appropriate to tell my friends that they`re imaginary?
Sorry I ordered a salad and then ate all your fries.
The light does go out in the fridge ... Now I have to wait for someone to let me out.
Please keep me in your thoughts and prayers. Nothing bad has happened, but I’m trying to be proactive.