Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Sleeping alone is a complete waste of my sexual talent.....
When I procrastinate, current me really expects a lot out of future me.
I have lost my mind and I am making no effort to look for it.
Kid, I can take you out the same way I brought you into this world, by making it look like an accident.
If today were a fish, I`d throw it back.
Sometime when I`m home alone I like to fill my bathtub with spaghetti and pretend I`m a meatball.!
Keep it down kids!.. Daddy is trying to think of something stupid to say on the internet.
Do I have a plan for the zombie apocalypse? I don`t even have a battery in my smoke detector...
PMS = Prepare to Meet Satan.
What idiot called it the toaster and not the tanning bread?
Learn to fight like you`re the third monkey trying to get on the Ark!
If you want to pick up girls ....Keep your back straight and lift with your knees.
The most frustrating thing about watching Nascar is that they never signal
Why is it all the good things in life are either illegal, immoral, impossible, addictive, or fattening?
Doing something weird and thinking “this is why I’m single”.