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I assert dominance over millennials by responding to their texts with phone calls.
If there are ice cream trucks in the summer, why aren’t there Starbucks pumpkin spice latte trucks in the winter?
Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me three times, I’m coming to your house with a facking baseball bat.
When will vegeterians stop eating my food`s food??
If you were born in September, it`s pretty safe to assume that your parents started their new year with a BANG
I lost a very close friend and drinking partner last week. He got his finger caught in a wedding ring.
Suggested movie theater prices: Adults - $9.00, Under 12 - $ 6.00, Under 3 - $249.00
It`s hard to take life serious once you realize people jamming their genitals in each others mouths is considered a sign of affection.
Car sex is not fun...that tailpipe BURNS
You ever make fun of someone so much, you think you should thank them for all the good times you’ve had?
Summer needs to slow the hell down.
Trying to achieve the perfect erection. How hard could it be?
i`m my own therapist...which explains so much.
Please keep me in your thoughts and prayers. Nothing bad has happened, but I’m trying to be proactive.
Today is boozeday, I mean Tuesday...same difference!