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Big shout out to all the spiders not building their webs at face level.
I hate when my camera rings, in the middle of a selfie.
I do not have commitment issues... I`ve been buying the same brand of vodka for 8 years!
This liquor store needs a dollar menu.
Adulthood is mostly about being tired and wishing you hadn’t made plans.
There are many different ways one can save energy, but my favorite by far is this recliner.
Haters gonna hate, your honor
Sometimes you have got to talk to a 3year old toddler in order to understand the meaning of happiness in life.
I hope I die alone. I mean, you`d have to be a pretty big jerk to hope others die with you.
Do you ever dislike someone so much that you hate when people are nice to them?
My husband told me that in some cultures women do all the housework, so I told him in some cultures blow jobs don`t exist. He`s vacuuming
We should not have trusted anything Charlotte wrote in her web. She was consistently talking out of her ass.
I love the phrase "boobie trapped" I mean, who doesn`t like to be trapped by boobies????
I`m surprised people still ask me if I want to hold their baby given the number of times I`ve dropped and shattered my phone
I got in touch with my inner child and the little sh!t hung up on me.