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I have learned that pleasing everyone is impossible. But pissing off everyone is fun and easy.
I’m having some vision trouble today. I can’t see myself doing anything.
Just been informed that my spirit animal is Eeyore.
I was enjoying our conversation, but then I stopped talking and the whole thing got really boring.
I`m not lying, I`m just making the story better.
My mother might be right.. I was the reason someone invented birth control.
Still waiting for the moment when there will be a "add to wishlist" button on people`s facebook profile !!
Cashier: Would you like your milk in a bag? Me: No, let`s just keep it in the carton, ok?
Ugly is such an ugly word. If I must describe an ugly person I´d prefer to use the term "handsomely-challenged"
Why non-smokers don`t take bubble blowing breaks is beyond me
People think I`m crazy because I talk to my cat. What am I supposed to do? Just ignore him when he asks me a question?
I hope when the machines take over the world they start by fixing my cable.
As soon as you think “maybe I can get up early and just finish it tomorrow” you’ve already lost.
It`s remarkable how much I can get done out of sheer spite.
They`re having a Jamaican hair-do day tomorrow at work. I`m dreading it.