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You want to piss off a woman? Hide one shoe.
Life would be more simple if the person who named the orange an orange would have named more things. ;) Just Sayin`
So I ran into an old girlfriend who I dated who`s new boyfriend she was with looked exactly like me when I was seeing her. You know, miserable
I had no plans on looking sexy today, but sh!t happens.
It`s just a matter of time before they add the word "Syndrome" after my last name.
Just knowing that I have successfully pissed you off again makes my day.
Ate salad for dinner! Mostly croutons & tomatoes. Really just one big, round crouton covered with tomato sauce. And cheese. I ate a pizza.
Iām the king of balancing more trash on top of an already full trash can.
I just saw a poster that said, "Have you seen this man?" with a number to call ... So I called the number and told them, "no."
eHarmony matched me with a bean bag chair with duct tape on it
More funny statuses will be posted here soon
Can anybody PLEASE tell me where you buy Common Sense?? I know several people that need some!!!
When I was a teenager, a "selfie" meant something totally different than it does today.
"Don`t cry because its over, smile because his new girlfriend looks like a horse."