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Attempting to guilt me in to doing something, is the surest way to make sure it never happens.
I`m amazed at how much better my life has been since the iOS 7 update. I bet it would be even better if I owned an iPhone.
I thought about going outside and doing something today but my Wi-Fi really doesn`t reach very far.
According to the law it`s not appropriate to put a bounty on my boss. I actually thought it showed great initiative and leadership.
Free will is good, but free pizza is better.
I met this girl in a club last night, I think she’s a body builder. She just so happened to build hers using chips.
My personality is 30% the last movie I watched.
When I tell stories about people I don’t like, I give them ridiculous voices.
I look so young for my rage.
A normal person is just someone you don`t know well enough yet.
Man I wanna throw a book at someones face and be like "I Facebooked you!"
I just spent ten minutes waving back to a guy in a storefront window before I realized he was just cleaning the glass.
Remember before we met? I miss those days.
It is impossible to simultaneously keep up a) hope and b) with the Kardashians.
If you Google the word `overreacting` there`s a picture of me using a fire extinguisher on a spider.