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I just saw a hot mom at McDonalds spank her kid after he threw his fries on the ground, so I threw my fries on the ground too.
Do gun manuals have Trouble Shooting sections?
Every time I use a public bathroom, I always wonder why so many people have Sharpies on them at all times.
Groundhog Day, Just walked outside and saw my shadow, It`s now official, Six more weeks of dieting :/
Why do we say "A word to the wise" when it`s the stupid ones who need it?
My local hairdresser just got arrested for selling drugs. Unbelievable! I`ve been her customer for 10 years and had no clue she was a hairdresser!
Is running in front of cars some sort of gang initiation for squirrels?
is currently amending my "Who gets money" list when I win the lottery ... who has something nice to say?
I don`t care how old I am, if I go out to eat and there are crayons and paper place mats with puzzles...GAME ON!!
Magician: Now I will cut the woman in half. Me: Why turn one problem into two?
Ladies...when I say bless you after a sneeze, just say Thank you, instead of wondering where in the bushes that just came from.
When suffering from insomnia I either count sheep or ask my girlfriend how her day was.
You can either wear granny panties OR yoga pants - not both. Pick one.
Don`t worry, kids. Being an adult is mostly just googling how to do stuff.
Too many people complain about their looks, but not nearly enough complain about their brains.