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Screw it, I’m starting Friday now.
Apparently you have to go to the gym more than once to get in shape, what the hell.
Separating the men from the boys, one mood swing at a time.
It`s a shame that stupidity can`t be converted into a usable energy source.
This morning I woke up to a surprise BJ. Thats the last time I fall asleep on the train with my mouth open.
Here`s how I gained 27lbs of muscle in 5 weeks: Lying.
If you love something, set it free. Maybe not sharks though. Or bees. Viruses. Lots of stuff really. Look, the point is don’t love anything.
"I`m not drunk" - Biggest Friday Night Lie.
I always try to behave but there are usually too many other options.
Some of my friendships are bad for my liver.
You’re not yourself today. I noticed the improvement immediately.
That frustrating feeling when the microwave trips the circuit breaker and you have no idea how much longer your lunch needs to be nuked.
if drinking destroys your memory .... what does drinking do ?
If McDonald´s sold hot dogs, could u, with a straight face, order a McWeiner & tell them 2 super size it?
Sometimes I get mad about having to unload the dishwasher but then I remember a machine just washed my dishes for me.