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One good thing about having kids is that they are sick every time I get invited to something I don`t want to do.
Just did 100 crunches. Crumbs everywhere.
Karaoke bars combine two of the worlds greatest evils—people who shouldn`t drink with people who shouldn`t sing.
I like to respond to statuses with .. WOW, Someone needs a Happy Meal.
Movies are so unrealistic. This guy`s using his computer to access an alien ship & not once has it asked if he wants to upgrade his Adobe.
My New Year`s resolution is to stop pointing my car alarm remote at my apartment front door expecting to unlock it
’Friday’ is my second favourite word starting from the letter `F`. :)
When your girlfriend says do what ever you want. Do not do what ever you want!
No PornHub, I would NOT like to share this video with my friends and family on Facebook.
My doctor just told me I was suffering from paranoia, well he didn`t actually say that, but I could tell it was what the bastard was thinking.
A woman that doesn`t ask for nothing deserves everything
If I had to describe myself with one word it would be "Doesn`t understand directions".
She heard me call her a bitch so now I have 100 problems.
I wish that life had an option for viewing other available episodes.
I have to exercise early in the morning before my brain figures out what I’m doing.