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Oh and BTW,,, Why haven`t Pig Pen`s parents been visited by child services yet?
I only change the kitty litter like once every two weeks but in my defense I don`t have a cat
The only technique I`ve mastered from watching cooking shows is screaming and swearing at everyone in the kitchen.
Dude, I can`t post AND know when the light turns green. I`m pretty, not magical.
I got a lot more sleep back when phones were only used for calling people.
If you`ve lost your appetite today, I think I have it.
I always wince when someone tells me they’re going to hit the sack.
Every Instagram caption should just be, "ARE YOU JEALOUS OF MY LIFE YET??"
The only thing I`ve learned from scary movies is to avoid pale children
I had a doctors appointment today. He said I was normal! See? I told you!!!
"What`s wrong?" "Oh it`s personal" Then, why`d you post it to Facebook.
i`m my own therapist...which explains so much.
Testing shows that people in the USA know less about geography than England, Japan and like 100 other countries I`ve never heard of.
Card on top of gift reads `I want you wearing this tonight` only to open the gift to find NOTHING
I`m at the point in my life where "friend with benefits" just means a person who gives me their Bed Bath & Beyond coupons.