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May you never be as bored as whoever figured out that holding a seashell to your ear sounds like the ocean
It must be really hard to judge a wet t-shirt contest because I saw one recently and all the t-shirts looked equally wet.
My mom at night: Good night, sweet dreams I love you. My mom in the morning: Wake the f*ck up you lazy piece of sh!t.
I love Halloween because it`s the only night of the year I may end up getting drunk with Batman and going home with a cheerleader.
"Open Mike Night" sounded like a lot of fun until I realised I`d been invited to an autopsy.
You can tell a lot about a woman by the way she pours gasoline around your car.
Hey chicks that only post inspirational shit: we know you’re nuts.
Time is precious. Waste it wisely.
Whenever I move into a new neighborhood, the first thing I familiarize myself with is the liquor store coz you know priorities.
Go ahead caller 9!!
I`m pretty sure even Santa wishes they would stop playing Christmas music on the radio this time of year.
Come on Facebook friends. Be honest with me. Does my butt make my pants look fat?
is here. Now what are your other two wishes?
This post was going to be really funny but I didn`t write it down because I was totally sure I`d remember it.
Sweating is for people who do stuff.