Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Sometimes I feel bad about the things I say and do, but today is not one of those days.
When your wife or girlfriend asks,"Do I look fat?" the ONLY correct response is, "Do I look stupid?
Forecast for the weekend... mild alcoholism, with a 70% chance of poor decisions and impaired judgement. Increasing chance of regret and hangover for Sunday.
thinks that drinking beer is the second-most satisfying thing a guy can do for himself with one hand.
I saw a fat lady with a "M.O.B." tattoo on her arm. I asked "money over B*tches?" She said "No, McDonalds over Burger King.
’twas the night before Christmas and all through the house, everyone was screaming ... cuz I went into the wrong house.
I have an inferiority complex about my superiority complex. I know I`m better than you, but I feel really bad about it.
A fun thing to yell at a magic show is "BURN HIM, HE`S A WITCH"
Sometimes you have to burn a few bridges to keep the crazies from following you.
Ya .... That Supermoon was OK ..... But I was quite disappointed when I realized it didn`t even have a cape.
I`d probably get a lot more done if it wasn`t for me.
I`m so sick and tired of my friends who can`t handle their alcohol. The other night they dropped me three time while carrying me to the car.
All my life I’ve wanted to learn to juggle. I just never had the balls to do it.
Hey ladies, tired of your man complaining about how long it takes you to get ready? Start blow drying your hair in the nude. I promise no more complaints.
"There are singles in your area." - me telling a stripper she forgot some money on the floor