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United States is where moms get a day and shark get a whole week.
When my boss asked me who is the stupid one, me or him? I told him everyone knows he doesn`t hire stupid people......
Someone once said that I should always treat other people how I would like to be treated. Now I`m facing sexual harassment charges.
Men use love to get sex...women use sex to get love...I use coupons to get pizza!
I like them big and fake. ~Me talking about Christmas trees
When bears are around, try to look skinny and they won`t eat you. If that doesn`t work, kick your buddy in the nuts and RUN!
You laugh because I`m different ........... I laugh because I farted.
Theirye’re, problem solved.
Whoa. I just did something & almost forgot to document it on facebook. That was a close one.
I wasn`t going to get so many groceries, but there was a new girl working today and she took my check.
Studies show that people who want tribal tattoos are directly related to living under a rock
Remember before we met? I miss those days.
Nothing says "I`ve already given up on this day" quite like a Taco Bell breakfast.
I`m so deep in the friendzone that I`ve met her boyfriends parents
I need a new bad decision.