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When I die and I`m standing at the gates, I hope they give me the carpenter`s cup challenge from Indiana Jones. I`m totally ready for that one.
What I do when I black out is none of my business.
Great idea for an April Fools Prank ... Hide all of the desktop icons on someone`s computer and replace their wallpaper with a screenshot of their old desktop.
You`d think the nerds on The Big Bang could fix that stupid elevator.
Just saw the book "Marriage for Dummies." ... Shouldn`t there be an "is" in there somewhere?
Nothing says poor life choices like the guy with the half smoked cigarette behind his ear
I don`t think its a coincidence that "Sober" and "So bored" sound very much alike
Trust me, when they make a pill that REALLY makes your d!ck grow, that commercial will be on during the Super Bowl, not 3am!
Sometimes late at night.. I dig a hole in the back yard by lantern light.. Sure keeps my nosy neighbors on their toes.. :|
Can anyone recommend a few thousand books on hoarding?
Breaking news: Newt saw his shadow. Six more weeks of campaigning and attack ads.
Things could be worse ... sex could be fattening
If I was stuck on a desert island with only one record, I would want it to be the record for being able to swim the farthest.
Better to be incredibly weird than incredibly boring.
I have a "honk if you think I`m sexy" bumper sticker on my truck so that way on the way to work, if I`m not feeling to excited to be there, I sit at a green light until I feel better.