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I shook the vending machine until my chips fell, so yeah, I’m a hunter-gatherer.
A person who is bad at math should never take a calculated risk.
Only in math problems you can buy 60 watermelons and nobody asks what the hell is wrong with you.
That awkward moment when you have 10+ tabs open and you can`t figure out which one the music is coming from.
I hate that I have to put on clothes to participate in society.
The lady walking ahead of me sped up so I did, she began running so I did, she screamed so I did. I never even saw what we were running from.
The day I can get a correct order at a fast food establishment is the day I will support an increase in minimum wage.
Today please just pretend I wrote something hilarious, click like, and move on down the news feed.
If A-B-C-D didn’t drag out their part of the Alphabet song, LMNOP wouldn’t have to be so rushed.
If only someone on the internet would give me their opinion on the election.
GAL: Would you keep me in your heart forever? BOY: Nop! GAL: (sadly)...why? BOY: Because then you`ll occupy only one part of me...but i`ll keep you in my heart, mind & let you complete me.
Seen it all, done it all, can´t remember most of it.
I´m not insensitive, I just don´t care.
Women should run the world. That will give men more time to drink beer and watch sports.
Home is where the alcohol is.