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Einstein was wrong. The real definition of insanity is trying to clean your house when you have children.
I want to give up coffee, but I`d hate to do that to my coworkers.
Two years ago I became a proud parent. My kid is 6, but they were kind of a pain those first four years.
Who do you have to sleep with around here to sleep with someone around here?!
I have no problem texting while driving, but I won’t text while going down stairs. That sh!t’s dangerous.
Guess what I saw today? Everything I looked at.
New research reported that men enjoy snuggling. A second study showed that men will say anything to get a researcher into bed.
One square left on the toilet roll and no extras in the cupboard. Well played, honey. Well played.
Always believe a woman when she says: “You don`t want to know!”
A moment of silence to all the kids who can’t wait to become a teenager because they think it’s fun..
Four words that I never want to hear: There is no food.
I wonder who was the first person to see an egg come out of a chicken`s booty and think..."I`m gonna eat that!"
I`m disgusted by the thought of people updating their status while sitting on the toilet like I am right now.
They`re having a Jamaican hair-do day tomorrow at work. I`m dreading it.
Life is not like a box of chocolates. It`s more like a jar of jalapenos. What you do today might burn your a$$ tomorrow.