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So much of my day is just keeping myself distracted until it`s time to eat again.
I`m surprised carving faces into vegetables after pulling out their innards isn`t incorporated into more American Holidays.
When I become president I will make Monday a part of the weekend.
If life gives you melons, you might be dyslexic.
I used to make fun of my dog for barking at dogs on TV until I caught myself in the car pulling over for a siren on the radio.
With all the potato chip flavors available now, I see no point in buying actual food...
Caterpillars have it made. They eat a lot, go to sleep, then wake up beautiful.
Just a reminder that you don’t have to tell Facebook goodnight. You can just stop talking.
Experience is what you get, when you don`t get what you want
How come dogs aren’t ticklish?
People often say laughter is the best medicine, but they neglect to mention that an overdose can cause one’s ass to fall off.
If my body is ever found dead on a jogging trail, just know I was murdered elsewhere and dumped there.
Sometimes I wish I was a nicer person but then I laugh and continue my day.
I love food, napping on the couch, and getting super excited about car rides, I`m basically a golden retriever.
I’m over the 30-day ab challenge ... Is there a 30-day nap challenge I can take on?