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Roses are red, violets are blue, If i had a brick id throw it at you.
Golf, except there`s no balls or clubs or anything, and you just drive around in a cart and drink.
Why is it that the most interesting things in life usually aren`t in our best interest?
You know that 200-foot high expansion bridge you drove over today? Just remember that it was built by the lowest bidder.
The truth is, I find it very stressful that Smokey thinks that I`m the only one that can prevent forest fires. I don`t feel trained for this, and I certainly didn`t sign up for the position.
You can`t make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them & hope they panic & give in.
I dreamed about you last night, and so you know; Shame on you!!
Sleep is my drug, the bed my dealer, the alarm clock the police.
"There is a policeman in here and he will ARREST YOU." Things I say to my kids when we`re in public.
New Life Goal: Get a job where people ask me, "You actually get paid for doing this?"
The trick is not let anyone know how really weird you are until it’s too late to back out.
Everyone is beautiful in their own way, your way just happens to be in the dark.
I like to think all pizzas are personal pizzas.
If I could time-travel, forget killing baby Hitler. I`d go back to use every come back I ever thought of 10 minutes too late.
I scream. You scream. The police come ... It`s awkward ;)